Style: Big, bouncy hair means business

Big, bouncy hair is mesmerizing. Like watching porpoises frolic or a campfire shimmy. It took the Rage 40 damn years to figure it out: Hair is power. And sexy, buoyant hair trumps a stoic, stick-straight mane each and every time. But how can I achieve such follicle finesse, you ask? Two words: Hot rollers. Don't laugh. These suckers work more magic than Rumpelstiltskin.  The Conair Instant Heat Jumbo-Sized Rollers ($26.99; amazon.com) are a fave because they produce those mega-curls or waves that aren't fussy and tight.

Here's how to use them: Wash hair and then use a hair dryer to semi-dry mane. You can also forgo the blow dry and apply the hot rollers to damp hair, but be sure to comb it out first. Next, roll inch-thick sections of hair UP if you want major volume and up-flipped curls. Roll hair UNDER if you prefer more sedate waves, like Jaclyn Smith's look. After rollers lose heat, unravel and spray the curls with a setting spray. Finally, run fingers through waves and arrange.
Now, go boss someone around!

Photos: Jaclyn Smith, ABC; Pam Grier, Getty Images; Rollers, Amazon.com

Comments

[shutup]

Hair really is power. In fact, the more of it, the better. Ever wonder why big foot is so damn big? It's all that hair. And woolly mammoths: it's hair power. Girls, you're still making 70 cents on the dollar, but if you stop shaving and grow all your hair as long as possible and blow out the hair on your head, freshly curled---- you'll just begin to drip societal equality and assertiveness. You will have so much spare power from all that hair that you can bottle it and sell it, gaining economic power as well. The possibilities are endless! Go boss someone around! Big hair!!! Yesss!! Susan B Anthony is doing a slow clap from the grave!!

Shut the f up.