Pre-nups for bridesmaids. Gain weight and you’re out.

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What is it with women and their weddings?

Here’s a look at just how despotic, neurotic and psychotic the soon-to-be betrothed can be. According to the Daily Mail, one in five women actually ask their bridesmaids to sign a pre-nup. The conditions? Get fat, get pregnant or deviate from the chosen big day hairstyle and you’re relegated to bystander.

Of course, this stat is by no means a widespread phenom. The survey was conducted by a British bridal mag called ‘You & Your Wedding.’ Aren’t women who respond to surveys in a wedding magazine a bit unhinged to begin with? Um, don’t you have a butter cream frosting to choose? The poll also found that 15% of brides had devised ways to ensure that they wouldn’t be upstaged by their attendants.

Hey, we all know a bride who forced her ladies in waiting to become ‘ladies in hating’ by imposing a dress code of unflattering chartreuse taffeta or updos that resembled beer kegs. I find it utterly sad that a bride could be so insecure. And any bridesmaid who’s determined to steal the spotlight on the big day deserves an outbreak of chest acne. Over at Jezebel.com, which picked up the story, a reader comments: ‘And this is why I turn down the bridesmaid requests.’

Anyone remember the scuttlebutt on how Victoria Beckham was going to play a bridesmaid who packed on the pounds before Wilhelmina Slater’s wedding on ‘Ugly Betty’? In the end, that didn’t happen. Maybe Posh was afraid to be seen in a fat suit?

For my recent wedding, I had no bridesmaids. Not because I have no friends, but because I didn’t need to play ‘BFFs’ among my pals. Nor did I require that a friend be forced to monitor an inappropriate relative or make sure that my lip gloss looked shiny all night. Bridesmaids are great, as long as you don’t saddle them with chores and expect them to sacrifice their identities. Whenever I see a chubby bridesmaid -- surrounded by svelte girls -- wearing an unflattering, tight dress and looking miserable, I think to myself: ‘Here comes the bitch.’

Photos: Ugly Betty, ABC; bridesmaids, Bride.com