Pre-nups for bridesmaids. Gain weight and you're out.

What is it with women and their weddings?

Here's a look at just how despotic, neurotic and psychotic the soon-to-be betrothed can be. According to the Daily Mail, one in five women actually ask their bridesmaids to sign a pre-nup. The conditions? Get fat, get pregnant or deviate from the chosen big day hairstyle and you're relegated to bystander.

Of course, this stat is by no means a widespread phenom. The survey was conducted by a British bridal mag called  "You & Your Wedding." Aren't women who respond to surveys in a wedding magazine a bit unhinged to begin with? Um, don't you have a butter cream frosting to choose? The poll also found that 15% of brides had devised ways to ensure that they wouldn't be upstaged by their attendants.

Hey, we all know a bride who forced her ladies in waiting to become "ladies in hating" by imposing a dress code of unflattering chartreuse taffeta or updos that resembled beer kegs. I find it utterly sad that a bride could be so insecure. And any bridesmaid who's determined to steal the spotlight on the big day deserves an outbreak of chest acne. Over at Jezebel.com, which picked up the story, a reader comments: "And this is why I turn down the bridesmaid requests."

Anyone remember the scuttlebutt on how Victoria Beckham was going to play a bridesmaid who packed on the pounds before Wilhelmina Slater's wedding on "Ugly Betty"? In the end, that didn't happen.  Maybe Posh was afraid to be seen in a fat suit?

For  my recent wedding, I had no bridesmaids. Not because I  have no friends, but because I didn't need to play "BFFs" among my pals. Nor did I require that a friend be forced to monitor an inappropriate relative or make sure that my lip gloss looked shiny all night. Bridesmaids are great, as long as you don't saddle them with chores and expect them to sacrifice their identities. Whenever I see a chubby bridesmaid -- surrounded by svelte girls -- wearing an unflattering, tight dress and looking miserable, I think to myself: "Here comes the bitch."

Photos: Ugly Betty, ABC; bridesmaids, Bride.com

Comments

[Kate]

This is why I only had two bridesmaids, and picked the dress that looked best on them rather than the one that matched my imaginary color scheme. In fact, I based the wedding colors on the dresses once we'd found them. Both women looked fantastic and--it's not just an urban legend--have actually altered the dresses and worn them (as separates) again. (I was open to different dresses, but this one looked great on both of them.)

For the brides out there: you know who notices all of the tiny, perfect details? No one. Save yourself a lot of time and effort, and look at the big picture. You're marrying someone you love. What else matters?

[tarbubble]

my entire wedding only cost about $2k, so i'm probably in the "trailer park" category anyway, but i pretty much let my bridesmaids do whatever the heck they wanted to. i let them choose one of two colors to wear, the dresses were a pretty universally flattering style, and i asked them to wear black shoes (i think one of them wore black sneakers, egads!). the wedding was great, reception was awesome, everybody had fun, and here i am 13 years later still happily married and still friends with most of the wedding party. so Kate has it right - what the heck else matters? this bridezilla thing is getting out of hand.

[cecily parseletti]

eh hem. there is was and will be only one bff. watch your back or you might get a babies breath corsage smashed into it . Watch out! yeah!

[Andrea]

I choose my best friend as my maid of honor - no bridemaids ( even sisters!), who always looked great in her own wardrobe. I asked she select a dress she liked but that I was going to give her a bridesmaid gift a necklace ( from Tiffany's) and asked for a swatch of the material I could make sure her flowers looked wonderful. It was the easiest choice I made and she looked and felt wonderful and the Tiffany necklace was a complement to her dress. Keep this in mind it is really a marriage you are working toward, not just a wedding. Love you Lynn!

[Sabrina]

A pre-nup for bridesmaids? Of all the stupid, control-freaky things for a bride to do? It's a wonder she has any friends at all with that attitude! If it were me who had a Bridezilla telling me to put my life on hold just for her, I'd tell her to put that pre-nup where the sun don't shine!

[Tiffany]

If any bridesmaid is given a pre-nup, the best thing she can do is to let the doomed husband-to-be know that he's set to marry a shallow, appearance-obsessed, selfish jerk. And then, duty done, walk away from the whole thing. This is ludicrious. And yet, I'm heartened by all the responses to this posting so far, each responder seems like she has a smart head on her shoulders.

[erin]

"According to the Daily Mail"? You believe that? It's total b.s. Way to open up your column to a bunch of holier than thou "I got married in a Whole Foods and used the money I saved to buy carbon offsets" women-hating snobs. Why, like yourself.

[sara]

My friend has a $30K budget for wedding & often reminds us how she cannot afford anything. Therefore, all 5 of her bridesmaids are required to pay for EVERYTHING including the plane ticket to her wedding. And, I never realized that it was all about the bride-to-be from the day she got engaged. This is definitely causing me to question our friendship.

[Lia]

Yeah, a friend of mine recently asked me to be her bridesmaid. She lives out of state. She didnt offer to pay for the plane ticket, the hotel, the rental, the dress, the shoes she said I had to wear, or the jewelry she said I had to wear. To be honest, it's not even that I don't have the money, I really just thought it was very distasteful to be so demanding and then not even offer to help out.

I'm not going to be her bridesmaid. I told her I don't want to afford it. I'm keeping the gift I bought her for myself, and I cancelled the trip so I can use the airline ticket to go somewhere I want to go. Statistically, her divorce party is going to be soon anyway, I'd rather go to that. I don't even like weddings.

[flower girl dress patterns]

I love sewing and making clothes and dresses, and I also run a small tailoring business.I find inspiration from fashion televion programs and magazines. Children dresses also attracts new ideas for me. I feel every dress has its own beauty and uniqueness which cannot be replicated. I apply this thought when I design my own clothes.

[Wedding Photographer Chelmsford]

I think I'll just have my sister as my bridesmaid if that's the kind of women we turn into when we arrange our wedding!

[Mary]

When my sister in law married by brother she invited me to be in the wedding and she just told us all to wear black long dresses...it looked fantastic in the pictures, everyone looked great because their dresses were flattering, and we all carried peach colored roses.
When I got married I took my bridesmaids out to lunch, then we went to the fabric store and we jointly picked out a pattern everyone liked and fabric. I made their dresses and I swear it's the truth, every one of them wore their dress again.I think we spent about $50 per dress and they looked great.

[Aubyre]

I personally have no issue with a bride letting her bridesmaids know whats up when it comes to the dresses. I have seen too many bridesmaids try to make someone elses wedding all about them and how they look. I know that NO bride wants to be upstaged by her bridesmaids, however I also know that I personally wouldn't want mine looking sloppy and gross either. So, if you friend is a true friend she isnt going to intentionally push you into something hideous, and if your a true friend you'll help your friend achieve their perfect day without whinning.