The rich are not like us, so why do they have to act like us and register for gifts?
Case in point: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony hoped to receive a $1,250 designer diaper bag and a $3,495 Balmoral stroller from friends when they signed up with their wish list at posh Petit Tresor in L.A. The power couple is spending $40,000 on each of their three nurseries and Fortune claims that Lopez is the richest woman under 40. Do you really need someone to buy you a stroller that equals what you make every hour? And what about Donald Trump? It's old news but he and his wife registered for a $4,000 coffee pot at Tiffany & Co. when they wed. Tacky and obscene, says the Rage. For the record: $25 to $40 is plenty to spend on a baby gift. You should shell out about $100 on a wedding gift--if you are attending alone. Add $50 to $75 if you're a couple or bringing a guest.
Agree or disagree? How much do you spend on a baby or wedding gift? photos: Petit Tresor; WireImage.
There's further proof that Chanel recognizes the importance of the young and dewy set. The new 5,395 sq-ft concept store--seen here--opens on trendy, hip Robertson Boulevard on May 8th and the merchandise will be more "product" driven.
In other words, less boucle jackets and more mini skirts and sunglasses. The black granite floors and marble shelving sounds sleek and there's theatrical lighting too. Oh and a courtyard, which will probably draw chain smoking starlets.
No doubt, rich Bel-Air teens will go nuts here. The other Chanel on Rodeo Drive--their flagship store--will be their mother ship, literally. The Rage thinks that socialites will still go to Rodeo, while
the heiresses will get their caviar bags and ballet flats on Robertson. Keep in mind: Emma Watson, right, is 17 and she's the new face of Chanel. See her logo bag? Um, Mom? I want that one. Now!
Oversized clutches are a must, darling. Don't even think about leaving the house without a crocodile day bag. Haven't you ever heard of a pre-fall collection, silly? Is that last year's Balenciaga? Get with it.
The scent of a recession -- much like day-old Chanel No. 5 -- wafts before us. Housing prices are down, gas prices soar. And yet the fashion industry soldiers on blindly in its $1,200 python pumps like an heiress with amnesia in a Wal-Mart.
On Vogue.com, the week's "Most Wanted" list includes a pair of Miu Miu suede and leather boots -- see left -- that cost $4,300. Over at Elle.com, there's a jeweled Azzaro hair comb that rings in at $630 --though in all fairness to the mag, there is also a $58 woven belt from Arden B. At HarpersBazaar.com, the best buy of the day for Feb. 29 is a $1,275 Chris Benz jacket. It's gorgeous, but a best buy for whom? Oprah Winfrey? And even better, it's listed in their "Affordable Fashions" section.
The real question is this: Will the fashion magazines even acknowledge the fact that our economy is heading for a downturn. An interesting AP article quoted Allure editor Linda Wells saying: "All that ridiculous bling and 'it' bags — there will be a shift away from that." Not yet, apparently. But Pam Danziger, luxury analyst with consumer market research firm Unity Marketing says: "I don't think fashion magazines have their eyes on the needs of consumers. Vogue doesn't care. It's all about image."
The Rage doesn't expect Vogue and Elle to feature articles like, "How to make an oven mitt into an 'it' bag!" or "Hats that double as dog dishes and diaphragms!" But would it kill them to admit that the economy sucks?
And so it goes. Designers and manufacturers continue to assume that we want to look and smell like celebrities. Why don't they just sell us some damn masks? Justin Timberlake was recently appointed the face of Givenchy perfume -- the old stomping grounds of Audrey Hepburn (see left), for whom the perfume L'Interdit was created. The Rage owns a bottle and it is floral and gamine and could use a note of citrus. Now, Halle Berry is poised to launch a few fragrances for beauty behemoth, Coty. Interesting fact: Most fragrances only last 2 years in the market, even though it takes 18 months to develop and launch a scent. Want to smell like a politician? Russian politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Liberal Democrat Party of Russia, is currently pushing Zhirinovsky for Men.
Mary-Kate and Ashley are assembling
a coffee table book on fashion
that details their vast style collections. Think Balenciaga shoes, oversized sunglasses, capes, Chanel bags, and more sunglasses. The photos will be taken by celeb shutterbug, Rankin. The sisters, as you may know, have two fashion lines and influence plenty of young girls. They get bushels of flack for dressing like Tibetan sherpas, but the Rage applauds their willingness to take fashion risks and wear up and coming designers. Prediction? Book will definitely sell well.
The Rage racked up many hours on the old couch, but is no longer in therapy. But she hears that many patients who are addicted to the HBO show are discussing the nuances and plot twists with their own analysts and therapists. One friend even told his doctor that they were devoting too much time to analyzing the show, instead of his problems. If you think Gabriel Byrne is the new Dr. McDreamy, check out this article in the NYT Styles section today.
Do you and your therapist chat about the show instead of your diminished sex drive? Um, it's called avoidance.
How many animals does it take to create a fall collection? Ask designer Jean Paul Gaultier, who marched enough fur down the runway at Paris Fashion Week to upholster a fleet of minivans. There were even fox heads still attached to looks to punctuate the point: death becomes her. Gaultier had howling wolves crooning on the show's soundtrack too. The Rage can be cruel, but this is insane. Fur is unnecessary and quite frankly, any designer who relies on animal skins may as well hang up his coonskin cap. Of course, it's easy to make fur look beautiful on the runway because it is inherently gorgeous. [Ed note: Meaning, it is beautiful on an animal.] Let's see you eke such sartorial glory out of wool and silk and chiffon--now, that's a real challenge. Want to know which designers are anti-fur? Calvin Klein, Duckie Brown, Benjamin Cho and Stella McCartney are just a few of the industry's darlings who refuse to resort to animal behavior. To see a full roster, check out this list from the Humane Society.
Kissing is utterly underrated. A two
hour make out session always trumps going all the way. A study out of Albright College in Pennsylvania found that humans kiss to assess a mate--much like taking a tiny bite of a strange dish. Breath and taste of saliva affect our decision, which is not surprising. They also found that 85% of women would not have sex with a partner if they didn't kiss first. Not shocking: more than half of the men said that they couldn't give a fig if a smooch preceded sex. But what about technique? Men like moist, wet open-mouthed kisses, the study found. They need more saliva to assess a mate. Now that explains why the Rage's first kiss felt so slimy. photos: Spiderman, Sony Pictures; Vertigo, MGM.
Hide your daughters. The Sun reports today that Amy Winehouse may come out with her own line of makeup and hair products. A source quoted in the article says:
“She wants to bring out a range of cosmetics and fashion products. There could be hairspray, head scarves, liquid eyeliner, perfume. All the things that are distinctive of her look.”
Hairspray? Um, there goes the ozone layer. Wear more SPF, people. Photos: AP; Wenn
In the upcoming Us magazine issue, Barack Obama refuses to answer the question "briefs or boxers?" He calls it a "humiliating" inquiry, but has no problems name-dropping his "good friend" George Clooney and revealing that his daughters think that Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are "yuck." If he had kept the interview to foreign policy and health care, the Rage would understand why he blew off the silly question about his damn underwear. Then again, Us would never ask him about Iraq or dental care. Obama chats about Beyonce and his love for hot sauce, but couldn't drop trou? The Rage will answer for him: Lucky silk boxers given to him by Oprah for debates and Armani cotton briefs for day-to-day wear.
Oh to be inside the sleek, skinny skull of Victoria Beckham at last night's final Spice Girls reunion concert in Toronto. Shall we read her thoughts?
"Watch the hair, Emma. I need to be at an appearance for my dvb fashion line in 20 minutes. Am I supposed to cry right now? Hmm. What would make me sad? Split ends. (sniffle.) How about varicose veins? Oh dear. (sob.) It's working! Wait. Emma's bottom is at least three inches wider than mine, I see. Uh-oh. I'm not sad anymore. I'm smiling. Let's wrap it up, girls. Huddle over. Emma rather smells."
(Anyone notice that the audience looks much more emotional than Posh?)
There's a reason every other actress wore a red dress to the Oscars. Who needs the red carpet when you're already swathed in crimson? Red flatters most everyone -- blondes and brunettes were spotted in the color -- and it announces itself as dramatically as Joan Collins on a marble staircase. Get one.
The Rage scoured the Web and came up with this draped, one-shouldered jersey dress from Calypso Christiane Celle ($250) that can be worn different ways and even hand washed. It's perfect for traveling and you can drape it differently to create a halter style too. Pair this dress with ballet flats or white or metallic sandals. No accessories needed. Red doesn't like to compete with jewelry.
In what may be the most ludicrous story ever told, two 18-year-old girls who flew from Tampa to Los Angeles on Southwest claim that they were discriminated against because they were "too pretty." The other side of the story has them acting abusive towards passengers. Watch this CNN video and notice how the camera pans up and down Nisreen Swedberg in a way that seems to nudge and say, "Is she really that hot? Nah." Her pink neon nails look lethal. Not loving the patent, cinched belt either. Cattiness aside, these girls are utterly insane if they think they can get away with this claim. Williams, the blonde, said: “[The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.” Bring on the menopause!
Apparently, pop band the Jonas Brothers announced that they "made promises to ourselves and to God that we'll stay pure until marriage." So says Us magazine. Um, couldn't you have kept that to your private prayers instead of making a public statement? God is everywhere, you know. The Rage recoils at this trend in young celebs going on about their purity. It certainly didn't help Britney Spears to claim that she was a virgin -- especially since her attorney called it a "PR blitz." Haylie Duff, Miley Cyrus and Jessica Simpson have all -- at one time or another -- spoken about their abstinence. Is it really necessary to enlighten us on your sexuality? Or is it just a ploy for more publicity? Oh, and a recent study found that teens who pledge to be virgins have the same amount of STDs as non-virgins. The Rage can only assume that all those virgins aren't just making out with their pillows.
You devoted untold hours to Oscar pre-shows, post-shows and fashion coverage. It's like drinking cheap wine and now, you have a major Hollywood hangover. To alleviate nausea, check out this celebrity-free story on Reuters.com about a Maasai girl in Tanzinia named Neema Laizer who hopes to be the country's first female doctor. Only 12 young women in Tanzinia have gone to college. Laizer left home in the middle of the night at age 13 with her mom because her father expected her to marry a 30-year-old man. (Girls as young as 6 are forced into wedlock.) The center that accepted Laizer and helps young girls is called the Emusoi Center. Here, they learn about running water and electricity and later get placed in secondary schools. Donate $50 and you have provided a uniform and shoes for one girl for a year; books and school supplies cost $70. For $300, you can put a girl through a nine-month remedial education program. It's like Advil for your soul. Learn more at Emusoi Center. Photo: Emusoi Center
Big, bouncy hair is mesmerizing. Like watching porpoises frolic or a campfire shimmy. It took the Rage 40 damn years to figure it out: Hair is power. And sexy, buoyant hair trumps a stoic, stick-straight mane each and every time. But how can I achieve such follicle finesse, you ask? Two words: Hot rollers. Don't laugh. These suckers work more magic than Rumpelstiltskin. The Conair Instant Heat Jumbo-Sized Rollers ($26.99; amazon.com) are a fave because they produce those mega-curls or waves that aren't fussy and tight.
Here's how to use them: Wash hair and then use a hair dryer to semi-dry mane. You can also forgo the blow dry and apply the hot rollers to damp hair, but be sure to comb it out first. Next, roll inch-thick sections of hair UP if you want major volume and up-flipped curls. Roll hair UNDER if you prefer more sedate waves, like Jaclyn Smith's look. After rollers lose heat, unravel and spray the curls with a setting spray. Finally, run fingers through waves and arrange. Now, go boss someone around!
In one corner, we have the eight months pregnant Cate Blanchett. Nominated for two Academy awards, this Australian actress bewitched in a Dries Van Noten royal purple, empire-waisted gown festooned with flowers at the hem. Nicole Kidman -- forgoing her severe ponytail for a sideswept forelock -- opted to adorn her front with enough rough diamonds to bedazzle a breast pump. The Rage has always had a thing for Nic: a magical hybrid of a unicorn and a praying mantis. But in this case, the Balenciaga dress seems blah and all that bling felt like overkill. Blanchett went earthy with pearls and malachite, which felt more maternal than a gazillion diamonds.
Pregnant women, take note: An empire-waisted dress will always flatter your form. The Rage recommends this Isabella Oliver "Wrap Column" maternity dress ($275) with side pockets for any mother-to-be with a black-tie event to attend.
Weddings cost big bucks -- $30,000 on average in the U.S. When a groom or bride has a change of heart after the band has been booked and invites go out, somebody has to suck it up. In Mexico, lawmakers want to officially charge the party who bails with the bill. Reuters reports that divorces are on the rise in Mexico, with 3 out of every 10 marriages sputtering out. According to Divorce magazine -- yes, there is such a publication! -- Sweden has the highest divorce rate (54%) after us and India claims the lowest (1%).
But clearly, Mexico has it all wrong. It's outrageous to uniformly saddle the financial onus of a canceled wedding on the person who broke it off. What if you got cold feet because you came home and found your fiance sucking the wedding planner's toes?
Quick thought: The Rage watched Gary Busey repeatedly muscle his way into Ryan Seacrest's Jennifer Garner E! interview last night on the red carpet pre-show. Seeing Busey strike--like a confused elk on "When Good Pets Go Bad"--repeatedly evoked a mix of horror
and slight exhilaration. Would Busey trample Seacrest? Would Busey kick Jennifer Garner? If you watch, you will see that he just charged, though didn't attack. But how wimpy and wuss-o-matic was Ryan Seacrest? He actually asked Garner, "Where's Ben Affleck?" Tilda Swinton would have swallowed Busey whole like a python. Seacrest: Learn some judo, dude.
Hitchcock once called actors cattle. Herd mentality certainly ruled the Oscar red carpet, with most actresses choosing one-shouldered gowns in black or red. Why is it that Hollywood's finest mimic each other? Are they so afraid of critics and the fashion black list? The Rage misses Cher in a feathered headdress and Julie Christie in a gold lamé pantsuit. The coif du jour last night: a rain-resistant ponytail -- spotted on Cameron Diaz, Anne Hathaway and Saoirse Ronan.
Here's a roundup of red carpet replay:
Amy Ryan
First look: The nominee for "Gone Baby Gone" made no cannonball splash in a one-shouldered, navy Calvin Klein gown and a bun better suited to a Denny's waitress. Final verdict: A little red lipstick would have whispered, "pick me."
Tilda Swinton
First look: Tilda Swinton, utterly bare of makeup and accessories, still captivated in a simple black sheath and trademark titian coif.
Final verdict: Even pesky Ryan Seacrest didn't have the nerve to ask the Amazon tigress "Who are you wearing?" Er, it was Lanvin.
Marion Cotillard
First look: Hmm. Was she wearing Aunt Carol's guest room duvet?
Final verdict: The scalloped white gown by Jean Paul Gaultier had more personalities than Roseanne Barr on the red carpet, but read much better onstage as glamorous.
Amy Adams
First look: Glamorous Veronica Lake-inspired locks, gold accessories and a deep emerald satin Proenza Schouler gown nodded to classic Hollywood movie star.
Final verdict: Meet the new Rita Hayworth.
Anne Hathaway
First look: The best representation of red goes to the actress wearing a crimson Marchesa dress with a floral applique neckline.
Final verdict: Note to spray-tan addicts: A ruby dress applauds porcelain skin. The Harry Winston 10-carat earrings didn't hurt either.
Ellen Page
First look: The vintage Jean Louis Scherrer Haute Couture black chiffon gown was designed way before the "Juno" star was born.
Final verdict: Page's penchant for unfitted frocks is frustrating. Duckling? Be a swan, please.
Jessica Alba
First look: An elegant aubergine strapless Marchesa with a feathered neckline well-suited the mom-to-be.
Final verdict: Thank God, here's one pregnant actress who doesn't flaunt her growing bosom.
Keri Russell
First look: Finally, an actress who didn't opt for red or black. Her oyster dress and elegant updo proved stunning.
Final verdict: All it takes to stand out in Hollywood is to go against the grain.
In Hollywood, stylists and makeup artists are crying in their soy lattes this morn. What could be worse than a wet red carpet? Most actresses will be escorted by umbrellas and nary a drop will dare to fall on their bare clavicles or crimson pouts. But the Rage knows that the rest of Oscar attendees don't want to look like otters either.
How to waterproof your look? Start with a stubborn hair spray that will shield your coif from the rain and the humidity in the air. Aqua Net Extra Super Hold Hairspray ain't eco, but it will protect your curls, waves or stick-straight hair. It costs less than $3 at most drug stores and all the Hollywood pros rely on it. Hint: You might want to avoid a cascade of curls that could putter out in the humidity. Pick a sleek style that is impervious to the climate, like a slicked back bun or chic, high ponytail.
Next, wear lasting makeup that won't run when wet. Christian Dior has a waterproof foundation formula ($42; sephora.com) called Diorskin Forever that comes in a handy compact, which is ideal on a day like this for any touch-ups. Most mineral powders are water-resistant too. Wear an extra layer today, just to be safe.
A gel is always preferable to a powder blush. Cheek stains are usually water-based, so they won't react poorly to wayward droplets. The Rage has always loved Tarte cheek gel in flush ($28), which makes you look like you just ran 5 miles or had a five minute romp in the hay. Make Up Forever sells a waterproof liquid eyeliner that is also a favorite of celebrity makeup artists. It comes in black and brown and sells for $21 at Sephora. You're on your own when it comes to waterproof mascara, which is easy to find. The Rage likes Great Lash by Maybelline, FYI. Wouldn't hurt to bring a few Q-tips along in your purse either.
Oh, and take a good look of that shot of Anita Ekberg in "La Dolce Vita" and remember: Wet is sexy. If you find yourself in a downpour, pout and pretend that you just went for a dip in the Trevi fountain. Photo credits: WireImage; Federico Fellini; All others, Sephora.com
Psst. Wanna buy a baby? No, make it two. Reportedly, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have sold exclusive first look photos of their twins to People magazine and OK! for $6 million. If true, that's tacky.
Sure, the paparazzi would have stalked the couple's every move until they got a shot of their kids -- so it makes sense to hand over the goods in return for some privacy. But if Lopez and Anthony don't give the money to charity, they may as well sell their twins at a yard sale in a few years. Pimping out your children for money is a shameless barter. Especially, when you make enough money to goldplate Bolivia. There's a great article in Advertising Age that breaks down the economics and which kids sell best on the covers.
Angelina Jolie-Pitt and her husband sold pictures of Shiloh to People for $4 million, but gave all of the proceeds away to good causes. They may be the only ones. Christina Aguilera sold her child's pictures for a reported $1.5 million; Nicole Richie received $1 million for shots of her baby. Down the road, tabloids will be clamoring for exclusive shots of the Hollywood baby brigade on its way. Jessica Alba, Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry will surely be offered cash for a cover shot. Wouldn't it be great if all these rich mothers donated their money to organizations that help needy children?
Photo credits: stockphoto.com; Kevin Mazur, WireImage
The Rage hates girls who grew up with their own horses, named "Star " and "Velvet." She asked for a palomino every year for her birthday. Did she get one? Neigh.
But any woman can feign saddle sore and look chic in these white riding boots called "Faye" by Frye ($348; urbanoutfitters.com). They are the perfect transition boot for spring. Pair them with a floral shift or a sleek
little black dress for a retro '60s look. Or tuck them into a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and add a fitted blazer. Snob-tastic! Hermes -- left -- showed them on the runway with white jodhpurs in their spring 2008 shows.
The photo above of girl and mare comes from Zodiac House of Fashion, a must-visit site for anyone who ever dreamed of waking up to find a horse in the backyard.
Photos: Nicky Annable for Zodiac House of Fashions; Urban Outfitters; Hermes; Imaxtree.
The new trailer for the "Sex and the City" movie -- due out on May 30 -- came and went faster than one of Samantha's romps. It was leaked late last night and New Line yanked it by noon.
But if you awoke early this morn -- like the Rage -- you saw it and learned:
1. Carrie's claims that she doesn't want a big diamond from Big. "I just want a big closet," she says. She's totally lying and the girls will have to call an emergency brunch when he gives her a measly half-carat Princess cut.
2. Samantha loves Botox, but hates marriage. I predict that she'll get vaginal rejuvenation in the movie and then try to show the girls her new "accessory" (under the table) at above mentioned brunch date.
3. Charlotte is pregnant. Um, didn't Jennifer Lopez just do that in real life? Boring.
4. Miranda will ... aw, nobody cares about Miranda. (Though she was always my favorite for her dry wit and fondness for pantsuits.)
Psst. Click here to go to Jezebel.com and watch it.
At first glance: It looks as if Adrian Grenier fell asleep during half-time of the Superbowl and just woke up yesterday. He's the new Rip Van Winkle. He certainly appeared well rested and earthy at last night's Global Green Pre-Oscar party. Or he's prepping to play Bluto in "Popeye vs. Predator."
On second thought: How kind of Grenier to uglify himself so other geeky eco-guys could get a shot at the ladies wearing mineral makeup at the party, held at Avalon. The Rage also spotted new Mom Salma Hayek, who is not yet back to being a size 2 -- hallelujah!
Final verdict: If Grenier smokes, he's likely to ignite like a tumbleweed. The Rage suggests that he either shave or carry a fire extinguisher in his back pocket.
Every gym the Rage joins, there she is: Naked gym locker lady. This is that woman who emerges from the shower in the gym lounge and doesn't bother to towel off. Hell, no. She prefers to air dry.
Naked gym locker lady comes in all shapes and sizes. When the Rage belonged to Equinox in West Hollywood, she was a size 2, top-heavy blond who would apply moisturizer to every inch of her body -- including crevices -- and then blow dry her hair -- yep, still nude. This was the type who bent over repeatedly to create volume too. Over at Sports Club LA in Beverly Hills, naked gym locker lady was older and less fit. This one would sit at the vanity and painstakingly apply her makeup. Maybe pluck her eyebrows too. After that, a quick blow dry and then the flat iron. The Rage once went to her locker before a yoga class, spotted "Nudie Trudie" -- pet name -- and upon returning an hour later, she was still bare as a newborn and doing her freaking nails.
Having just joined a 24 Hour Fitness last week, the Rage recently spotted her first naked gym locker lady. This one was young and clearly, very proud of her abs. She weighed herself twice, stared in the mirror for a few minutes and then started texting. For her book "Locker Room Diaries," Leslie Goldman spent five years talking to women in locker rooms and she thinks nudity fosters camaraderie among women. The Rage has no problem with bare breasts and buttocks -- much like martinis -- in moderation. Towel, anyone? Women: Weigh in. Should naked gym locker lady cover up or show it off? Men: Do guys prance around with appendages akimbo in the locker room?
How offensively "let's get all ghetto" is this T-shirt from Urban Outfitters? The Rage has a hunch that it was a hipster white dude who came up with the slogan: "Obama for yo Mama." Who says "Yo Mama" these days, other than drunk frat guys on Spring Break?
Wikipedia notes: "Although the phrase has a long history of including a description portion (such as the old, mostly harmless insult "your mother wears combat boots"), the phrase "yo mama" by itself, without any qualifiers, has become commonly used as an all-purpose insult or an expression of defiance. "
They also trace it back to the early 90s. Hmm. The Rage thought that Barack Obama was running on a platform for "Change." Whoever designed this dumb, wanna-be urban shirt might want to come up with a more revolutionary slogan for our first African American candidate for President.
Not so long ago, I wrote an article about the tabloids' ever increasing coverage of children of celebrities. Us Weekly editor Janice Min refused to comment, while an editor at In Touch noted: "We definitely have ethics when it comes to covering kids. Our stories aren't necessarily about the kids but what their parents are like." Sure, but it's the kids who are pictured on the front page with creepy headlines like "What they know." Maybe Kevin Federline should prevent his sons from learning how to read. Or teach them to be fluent in Mandarin. Otherwise, these kids are going to be even more screwed up when they see their sad stories splashed across the rags.
Notice how Us Weekly attempts to seem sympathetic with its call out: "The Littlest Victims" and goes on to say: "7 weeks without Mommy..." Aw. Clearly, they care. Ha.
How about just one week without covers that exploit children?
Matthew McConaughey's new ad for Dolce & Gabanna perfume for men just made The Rage snort coffee through her nose. Watch it and let's discuss. What a wuss. Instead of punching out the paparazzi that assail his every step, he takes off his shirt and flexes his pecs at them. With a smile too. Is this ad supposed to promote some sort of truce between celebs and shutterbugs? Or parody the actor's pattern of showing off his nipples for the tabloid press? Sean Penn would have slit some paparazzo's throat with his hotel key and then ripped off his shirt. Steve McQueen would have taken out an eye or two with his cufflinks. Men: Would you want to smell like this guy?
Why do starlets insist on channeling Marilyn Monroe? At some point, every actress decides to have her "Marilyn moment" and dons a platinum wig and a fake mole to prove that she's capable of playing an American icon. This week, Lindsay Lohan graces New York magazine in a spread shot by Bert Stern. Yes, that would be the same Stern who shot Monroe six weeks before she died of a reported overdose in 1962.
In the story, Lohan says of Monroe and Heath Ledger's tragic outcome: "I sure as hell wouldn't let it happen to me." Then, why are you bouncing in and out of rehab and re-creating a photo shoot that precisely mimics a suicidal woman's last flirtation with fame? And Stern should be ashamed of himself for aping such a memorable photo shoot for a 21-year-old actress whose most notable credit is "Herbie Fully Loaded." Monroe -- who starred in fantastic movies like "The Misfits" and "Some Like It Hot" -- died of acute barbiturate poisoning at age 36.
Lohan joins the ranks of Monroe-philes like Mischa Barton (right), Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore (above, on George cover.) It may be flattering to the icon, but The Rage finds it rather sad that so many young actresses crib Monroe instead of inventing their own unique images. If you're devoid of charisma and innate sexual appeal, maybe it's time to try beekeeping.
Photos credits: New York magazine; French Vogue; Bert Stern collection
You're too smart to be taken in by those iconic baby blue boxes, darling. Even savvy sprite Holly Golightly only window-shopped at Tiffany's. An esteemed colleague here at The Times named Pauline O'Connor turned The Rage on to a local treasure trove for vintage jewelry: the Sherman Oaks Antique Mall on Ventura Boulevard.
According to our source -- who's got a keen eye for vintage everything -- the place is jam-packed with amazing antique costume jewelry. Bakelite bangles, art deco enamels, and good old rhinestone chokers that would make Joan Collins envious enough to draw blood. Prices are fair too.
Got a great local source for style? Don't hoard. Convince The Rage below and you may see it posed here and have something to show your grandchildren.
Photo credits: Elizabeth Taylor, MGM; jewelry, Pauline O'Connor
Pity me, the pantsuit. Not since the bloody culotte debate of the '80s has an item of womenswear caused so much sturm und drang. I have been branded as polyester armor for aggressive feminists and chastised by stylish snobs as a fashion "uncle." And if that isn't enough, Hillary Rodham Clinton's penchant for choosing me over pencil skirts and frocks has only deepened this cultural divide.
Well, guess what, haters? This pantsuit is hereby out of the closet. Perhaps you saw me and style icon Julie Christie hanging tight -- literally! -- at the SAG Awards. FYI: I was the black trousers and fitted matching jacket she wore over a chic, crisp white blouse. She even sort of thanked me indirectly. When a reporter asked, "Whose pants are you wearing?" she proudly stated: "My own." (We did not rehearse that.) A week later, she had more to say. "I don't understand why women feel the need to wear gowns and chiffon to these events," Christie said. "An awards show isn't a ball. It's a celebration of talent."
Back in 1966, Christie wore me in gold lamé to the Oscars and took home a trophy. Her friend made it for her. Barbra Streisand wore a sequined Arnold Scaasi pantsuit to the Academy Awards three years later and she, too, won. Coincidence? You decide.
Christie isn't my only red-carpet fan. Here in Hollywood, I typically rub elbows with ladies who launch mega-deals. My following includes CBS President Nina Tassler, who usually opts for pastel pantsuits or coordinates in dusky, girlish hues. Anne Sweeney, Disney top exec, prefers me in black or earth tones. United Artists chief executive Paula Wagner rocks me in both black and white at business lunches -- and on the red carpet.
But my heart and seams will always belong to ex-Paramount head Sherry Lansing, who first introduced me to this zany town of tinsel. Back in the early '80s, she bought her first Giorgio Armani pantsuit and pioneered a look that still reigns over at CAA and the studios.
"When I put on a pantsuit, it empowers me," says Lansing. "I can walk faster and take bigger strides. I feel confident and comfortable."
Who knows why I became so reviled? It hasn't always been that way, you know. Some of the sexiest women in history have squired me to the hottest scenes. Lithe, panther-like Bianca Jagger prowled the dance floor at Studio 54 in a sleek, fitted white YSL pantsuit that would make Tom Wolfe salivate. (Oh, if these sleeves could talk!) Angie Dickinson, as Pepper on "Police Woman," took on urban degenerates wearing white coordinating trousers and jacket. Overseas in 1967, Brigitte Bardot paired a pantsuit with a tie in Rome and managed to cause a scooter accident or two.
"The pantsuit is always with us, and we're seeing a return of the white suit for spring and the safari suit for fall," says Ken Downing, senior vice president and fashion director for Neiman Marcus. "It's being paired with a hyper-feminine blouse in poetic organza or lace to balance the look."
Hell, yes. Last Sunday, on "60 Minutes," Sen. Clinton accented me -- her black pantsuit -- with a leopard print blouse and matching pocket square. In my biased opinion, the result was perfect: boardroom meets bedroom, Eleanor Roosevelt crossed with Elizabeth Taylor. A skirt-wearing Katie Couric looked jealous, I do believe. On "David Letterman," she even said: "In my White House, we'll know who wears the pantsuits."
What would Jesus do if he saw the new ad campaign for posh gym, Equinox? God only knows, but the Catholic Church isn't lost for words.
“It says a great deal about this perverse obsession in both the fashion industry and the advertising industry of exploiting and mocking and sexualizing Catholic religious imagery,” C.J. Doyle of the Catholic Action League of Massachusetts has stated.
Equinox fired back: “Our ad campaigns are based on personal motivation and fantasy and throughout history the body has been considered a form of art.”
But who fantasizes about nuns painting nudes? Or is this supposed to be a common fantasy of nuns themselves, who dream of ogling, er, sketching genitals when they're not praying? If so, Equinox shouldn't expect a giant boost in membership from local convents. The Rage highly doubts that we'll be seeing women in spandex habits doing Pilates and spin classes at the Equinox on Sunset Boulevard.
Clearly, Equinox aimed to shock. And, in a way, they did because people are talking about the new campaign shot by fashion photog, Ellen von Unwerth. But hasn't Madonna already pirouetted on this sacred ground a million times? Didn't she even hump a cross in one of her videos? In a world in which stripper poles have become de rigueur household appliances, The Rage says: "Yawn."
How do starlets keep their pouts fresh for hours at awards shows? Waterproof lip liner and color is the best way to ensure that color doesn’t abscond from lips after you sip Champagne and buss a few cheeks. Lancome’s lip coloring stick — Le Lipstique — is rich, creamy color in a pencil with an attached brush for precise application, ($23; sephora.com). You can both line and fill lips with these shades. The Rage recommends the color “Charme” if you prefer a subtle nude lip or “Ideal” for a sophisticated and vibrant red pucker.
Call it "The Other Boleyn Girl on Girl." Clearly, the publicity machine is pushing the coupling of Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman -- costars of "The Other Boleyn Girl" -- to bring new meaning to the term, leading ladies. Here they are at the Berlinale International Film Festival (left) last night and The Rage wonders if a German photog screamed: "Der kuss!"
In the latest issue of W magazine, the two dish on monogamy and marriage and gay rights. Johansson has taken her share of blows for being outspoken about sexuality and questioning whether or not humans are meant to stick with just one lifelong partner. Meanwhile, Portman says flatly: "I feel like I come off kind of boring sometimes."
Not if you keep up the red carpet canoodling, NatScar.
The big bag trend ires The Rage for three reasons: 1) Designers know that we consumers will spend more on an SUV than a hatchback and hence, big bags cost more and helped to secretly ratchet up the price of all luxury bags. If you became accustomed to spending $1,000 on an oversized Prada, then you wouldn't hem and haw over paying $800 for a medium-sized hobo. Right?
2) They force us women to pack more unnecessary crap than we would ever need. Have you ever overstocked your big bag just to make it look full? I recently loaded up my plus-size Ferragamo with two books, a deck of playing cards, a lint roller, and enough lipsticks to graffiti the Great Wall of China. The damn tote weighed more than 7 pounds and I had to put it down like a small child at times. It also left ugly POW-like welts on the insides of my arms.
3) Ever been hip-checked by a Birkin? It hurts. Try navigating through a Hollywood luncheon or nightclub without sustaining a few blows to the ribs and hips by swinging big bags. All that to say that these pictures from Mulberry's party at London Fashion Week last night made The Rage think this: I hope everyone had good health insurance because those bags could cause a hysterectomy.
A waist is a terrible thing to waste. No matter how many inches encircle your midriff, you can wear a skinny belt. Diane von Furstenberg pushed the thin belt to its limits -- at left -- by cinching it over layers at her recent fall show. You have to be tiny to get away with that look and a few models appeared bulky -- which secretly made The Rage smile.
To make a skinny belt work, wear it just above the navel where your waist is at its most slender. Don't cinch it too tight. A fitted sweater or a silk blouse works best with a skinny belt. I love these Hudson belts from Michael Kors that sell for $40 at Bloomingdales.com. Cinch away.
If you haven't yet heard, Jane Fonda dropped a C-bomb on the Today Show. She and Eve Ensler were chatting with Meredith Vieira about the long running performance, "The Vagina Monologues" and Fonda noted, "I was once asked to do a monologue called "C*#*." Rather than upload the video--which is rather anti-climactic because Vieira doesn't even flinch--I have presented here a better representation of Fonda's wicked side.
As for the word itself, the Rage has been known to strafe a convo or two with a C-bomb. And guess what? So did Geoffrey Chaucer, who used the word in "The Canterbury Tales." Over at www.thefword.org, there's a fascinating examination of the word and why it's taboo. Men own their pet names for their sexual organs -- I needn't provide a list. Most women, on the other hand,
The rich are not like us, so why do they have to act like us
and register for gifts? 
